The Real Work Begins

We've begun leading workshops.


We're all better at advocating for our trainees than we are for ourselves. The youth in my progrm were not at all happy with the food. On their behalf we could say "yeah, white bread and potato with oil doesn't work as a lunch" but couldn't/wouldn't/didn't for ourselves last week.

I'm running into culture of martyrdom stuff around social services and trying to navigate that. We can, we really can, do social service work, and be in proximity to violence and oppression, without having to do the whole self denial thing. Why should I bring an impoverished and broken self to community work? Who does that benefit? I've been taught that the most important thing we can bring to social service work is our most glorious selves, so tht's what I'm trying to hold for myself and as reminder for others. Navigating this has meant needing more time to myself.

I had hoped that there'd be someone who wanted to exercise with me, which hasn't really happened. But, I'm keeping up pretty well on my own.

It's foucous season, my own excitement isn't really matched by everyone else on this. They are, however, one of the greatest vegetbles in the world.

There's the being with a big group of westerners, and mostly Americans thing that I'm still adjusting too. Sometimes I feel like I'm expected to be more of a resource than I'm comfortable or confident with - I don't know what's going on here yet. I don't know how much to push on some of the bits of Orientalism I've caught - this is a team that I need to work closely with and live with for a month. So here it is... the question of what we sacrifice, and the fear of being disinvited from the table. I need to talk to my anti-racism buddy.

Today was Relief International's rural refugee day. Youth from various programs sang and danced. There was a really long skit on domestic violence that had music and opera-esque poses by the kids. The person sitting next to wondered whether the kids even really understood what they were depicting (boy in sports coat repeatedly striking a smaller girl with a switch... yep, I think they understand). She also asked what their parents might think, watching this. What do they think? I couldn't stop thinking about physical processing - were they going to get any help in physiclliy coming out of the positions of violence they'd just been in?

My last few days have been focused on work, sleep and a little bit of journaling. There are some potentil hikes on the weekend.