Trusting and Continuing

Huge incredible gratitude and relief because I was granted the travel scholarship I applied for. It was a fantastic way to end a very good 29th birthday.

For all of the discernment I did about coming on this program I had a really hard time trusting that the financial support would come through for it to work. At the last minute before leaving and even in my first days here I doubted my decision to come - how could this possibly be wise? But, I came, which I now know was the right choice because of all I've contributed and learned. And financial support has come through (once I get a letter from my Yearly Meeting) and that means that the work really is possible, and not a hardship or over-extension.

Introducing the Middle East to Jaya is interesting... I get to remember what it was like to be here for the first time. What was confusing? What do I wish I'd learned sooner, or wish someone had just told me? I do wish I'd calmed down and given myself the opportunity to travel more - which I'm doing tomorrow. We're off to Syria in the morning. Hopefully the border process isn't too long (as it can be for Americans). Hopefully the convent we've been told about is available to stay in. It would be a wonderful irony if we go out dancing or something sinful while staying there. We've made contact with local Quakers, and I'm looking forward to that as well.

My journal is filling fast, and I'm laughing at myself for bringing along so many books ... I've listened to one audio book and only cracked and then set down one of the three books I brought to read. I don't see myself delving into them more in the next week, even on the plane.

Saying good bye and sending people away: It's begun. Ann and Alex both left tonight. Cecile leaves in the morning, and everyone else will have flown away by the time I return from Syria and Lebanon.

The moon's belly is swelling and will be full in my last days here. I always notice the moon differently in the Middle East, and maybe even more. I notice it more in the sky, as if it's more prominent and significant.

I'm ready to sit in cafes and write poetry, to contemplate this last month's workshops... and also give myself a few days to forget them entirely. Ready to be silent, to be loud, to dance, to be still... and maybe take a nap or two. I'm ready to see the Mediterranean again.